


queen of the eyesores

by redkay



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Mandy POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 16:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/902478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redkay/pseuds/redkay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, Mandy kind of understands Lip’s obsession with Karen.</p>
<p>Sure, she’s a crazy bitch who’s dead set on ruining her own life and bringing him down with her, but she’s still Lip’s first love.  And yeah, Mandy knows you’ll pretty much forgive your first love anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You wanna catch a movie later?” Mandy asks Ian one afternoon, not long after they started dating.

“Can’t. Gotta stake out a wake and try to steal a water heater.” Mandy rolls her eyes and lounges back on Ian’s knees; the Gallaghers are always doing stupid shit like that when anyone else knows to just steal the cash it takes to buy a new one. It’s a moral code thing, Ian tells her, but she thinks they just like making things hard for themselves. “You can come if you want, create a distraction or whatever.” His eyes skirt to her cleavage and she elbows him in the ribs.

“Fuck off, like you can carry a water heater out by yourself.”

“Lip’ll be there. He’s got the whole thing planned out.” Mandy shrugs but doesn’t bother answering. Ian’s still got that stupid little kid faith that there’s no problem his big brother can’t fix and yeah, all right, from what she knows of Lip that’s probably not too far off from the truth, but still. Mandy knows better.

Brothers are good to give a beat down to anyone that pisses you off and not a whole lot else. One of these days Lip will let Ian down, and the more he idolizes him, the worse it’ll be.

“Suit yourself,” Ian mutters, and flicks a lock of her hair out of his textbook.

**

Irritating as it is, it doesn’t take long for Mandy to figure out that if she wants to hang out with Ian, she’s going to have to put up with his brother too. Lip is always just _around_ , whether its smoking on his bunk or walking with them on the way home from school. And when he’s not there, Ian invites him over half the time anyway.

And the stupid fucker knows that they aren’t really _together_ together, so she can’t even scare him off the way she can get Carl and Debbie to scram by grabbing Ian’s collar and kissing him. 

(Ian always laughs and twirls her hair around one of his fingers when she does, his lips swollen and stained with her lip gloss)

It’s not so bad, really, when it’s the three of them. She’d rather have Ian to herself, but Lip makes Ian let his guard down and just because he’s an arrogant douchebag doesn’t mean he’s not funny every once in a while. And he _does_ have an eye for a good scam.

But when Ian runs off to go fuck his skeevy boss and she’s left on the street with his stupid brother and his stupid condescending face, well, she didn’t sign on for that shit.

“I hear you’re fucking Harvey Kline,” Lip says cheerfully. He offers her his cigarette, but Mandy rolls her eyes, quickening her pace in the hopes that he will take the hint and fuck off. 

He doesn’t, but then she shouldn’t be surprised. She doesn’t think Ian knew she was interested until she practically took his dick in her mouth.

“You’re going to turn Ian into the cuckold of the sophomore class,” Lip continues.

“Better than the alternative,” she mutters just loud enough for him to hear over the roar of cars speeding beside them. 

It’s not even true, not that Lip would believe her. Harvey made a pass at her outside the locker room last week and she turned him down because, well, gross. And when he wouldn't let up she kneed him in the groin. But that’s not the story he told and who would take the word of that slutty Milkovich girl over the star of the basketball team, even if they hadn't won a game in three years.

“How long you think that’s been going on?” Lip asks, falling into step beside her, cigarette hanging loosely between his fingers.

“What?” she says harshly, already on edge.

“Ian and Kash.” There’s a bite to his words she didn’t expect; Lip always acted totally cool about Ian being gay.

“You got a fucking problem?” she demands, whirling around to face him. There are a lot of bigoted assholes in the world she can’t defend Ian from, most of them in her immediate family, but she sure as hell can take care of Lip Gallagher.

But Lip just raises his eyebrows. “With that pedophile fucking my brother? Yeah, I got a problem.”

Mandy tries to school her face into one of indifference, but she can’t quite hide her surprise. None of her brothers ever give a shit about who she fucks until she tells them to. 

“Well if it helps, I’m pretty sure Kash isn’t the one doing the fucking.” She relishes the rare gobsmacked expression on Lip’s face before turning the corner to her house. 

**

Mandy had never spent any time with the Gallaghers before Ian. They’ve been in the same class since they entered school, but as a kid Ian flew under the radar. Lip Gallagher was a legend: the boy who’d talk back to teachers without fear and always be proven right and who once masterminded a prank involving a raccoon that got them out of school for two days. But all she remembers of Ian from those years is bright red hair shorn close more often than not and the way he’d ditch his friends to tag along with his brother during recess. 

Her dad told her that those Gallaghers thought they were so much better than everyone, but now she knows better: they just didn’t trust anyone else. 

Mandy didn’t pay any of them any attention until she was thirteen and Lip caught her giving Billy Grey head under the bleachers. 

Billy was two years ahead of her and all of her girlfriends had a crush on him. He played on the varsity baseball team and she’d pulled his grass-stained trousers down to his ankles and smiled up at him. When she opened her eyes, Billy’s hand still fisted tightly in her braids, she’d caught Lip staring at them, cigarette dangling from his lips as he leaned against the equipment shed.

He didn’t say anything, just watched her with amusement in his eyes for a few moments before turning away with a shake of his head and walking back to the track.

That day she choked and spit even though she’d had enough practice by then to know better. Billy glared at her half-heartedly and pulled his pants up with a quick _thanks._

He doesn't seek her out again.

Mandy never felt smaller than she did in that moment, and she hated him for it. Who the fuck was Lip fucking Gallagher to judge her, anyway? The asshole strutted around school with a smirk that said he found all the adolescent drama surrounding him entirely beneath him, like a couple report cards made him better than everyone else. 

Determined to wipe that condescending smile off his face, that night she told Missy Johnson that she and Lip had fucked, but he couldn’t keep his dick hard long enough to finish. By the next week half the school had heard, but Lip just met her gaze in the hallway equal parts entertained and disinterested.

That was the problem with Lip Gallagher: nothing she did could ever faze him. He went through life cool and detached and nothing touched him.

(Not until Karen Jackson finally got under his skin and yeah, maybe when she heard about that shit with her and Frank through Ian she felt a little vindicated. Just a bit.)

**

Ever since Lip mentioned it, she can’t help but wonder about Kash. She’s slept with older guys before and Lip has probably fucked older women before, but there’s something so innocent about Ian, something so naïve and trusting, and the idea that some old fucker is taking advantage of that, _using_ him the way everyone but Ian uses her, makes her blood boil. 

So one day she comes home with tears staining her cheeks, having perfected the art of fake crying by the time she was eight. 

“The fuck happened to you?” Mickey asks, reluctantly peeling his eyes away from his slasher flick. 

“That creepy Arab guy at the Kash and Grab grabbed my ass,” she sniffles, hiding her smirk behind her hands. 

After that she just lets things run their course: if there’s one thing you can always count on a Milkovich for, it’s to think with their fists.

Things go well for a while, with Mickey harassing Kash the way she can’t and Mandy congratulating herself for finding a way to look out for Ian the way Lip can’t. Until Ian has to get involved and blow all her plans to shit.

He shoves past her and is ripping Mickey’s room apart before she has the chance to process what’s happening. He’s frantic and reckless in a way she’s never seen in him, and it scares her just a little. She’s not sure if it’s because ROTC or no, Mickey could actually _kill_ Ian, or if it’s because she’s starting to suspect that he might be a little bit in love with Kash.

It takes a lot of effort, but she manages to calm him down enough to get him out of the house before Mickey comes back and catches him. That night she screams at her brother to lay off and give the damn gun back but he just laughs and blows her off. Terry’s drinking in the kitchen, and Mickey’s playing some shit video game, and all Mandy can think about is the way Ian barely even looked at her that morning and there’s something cold and sharp in her chest she doesn’t want to acknowledge.

The next morning she wakes up early, determined to sneak into Mickey’s room and steal the gun so she can stop feeling so damn guilty and see Ian look at her in that way no one else has ever looked at her, like she’s something incredible.

But she doesn’t get the chance, because Ian is already coming out of Mickey’s room, looking triumphant despite the bruise blooming on his check. The gun is tucked into his jeans and when he smiles at her, small and secret, she can’t help but return it even though her stomach is rolling unpleasantly as he leaves.

When Mickey comes out a little while later, freshly showered for once, she wants to ask why he gave the gun back, hopes maybe it was because she’d asked, but the words catch in her throat and she swallows them back.

**

It’s rare that so much of her family is out of prison at the same time, and tensions are running high in the Milkovich house. But Ian comes over to study more days than not and quickly becomes a steady presence amid the constant storm that is her life. She helps him with his English homework and in return he explains the boring history shit she doesn’t care about in a way that almost makes it halfway interesting.

As Lip gets busier with Karen, Mickey starts to take his place in their little group and, well, Mandy finds she doesn’t mind as much as she thought she might. It’s the most time she’d spent with her brother since her breasts came in and it’s almost fun beating his ass at video games with Ian egging her on. 

In fact, Mickey and Ian seem to be _friends_ or something, which is completely fucking weird. But then, Ian is so easy-going she figures it’s hard for anyone to hate him for long.

Things are going so well that when Ian tells her he’s seeing someone new she can’t help but feel a sharp pang in her chest. She’s glad that he’s losing interest in Kash, the fucker, but she’s gotten comfortable in their routine and doesn’t want some new boyfriend to mess it up. 

But Ian looks so happy and shy that any annoyance she feels vanishes almost immediately. No amount of begging convinces him to tell her who it is either, which means it has to be juicy. She’s gone through half their class before she starts suspecting teachers (she knows for a fact that at least two are queer and six more are pervs) and she tries her hardest to quell the worry in her gut.

As it turns out, the new fuck-buddy doesn’t have a chance to screw anything up because it all goes to hell a few weeks later anyway. Ian’s mother comes crawling out of the crazy bitch woodwork to throw that whole family through a loop and Mickey, who apparently had not stopped harassing Kash, ends up getting himself shot and shipped straight back to juvie, and somewhere in the mess all mentions of the mystery man taper off.

“I can’t believe Kash actually had the balls,” Mandy declares when she arrives at the hospital. 

“This is all your fault,” Mickey whines, which Mandy chalks up to the morphine.

“Actually it was your fault. A Snickers bar, really? You’re allergic to peanut butter, dumbass.”

“Grabbed your ass, what a load of bullshit,” Mickey mutters, and he is seriously failing to hold up his side of the conversational weight here, but Mandy supposes she should cut him some slack. He chafes against the restraints that keep him chained to the bed and Mandy pushes his arms back down, smoothing his sweaty hair against his forehead like Mom used to do. 

It’s only when she’s crawling into bed that night that it occurs to her to wonder how Mickey knew she made the whole thing up. 

When she finds Ian at school the next day he’s awkward and sheepish, one hand rubbing the back of his neck and looking at her with those puppy-dog eyes that scream sadness and guilt. She slaps him over the head and hugs him, with a quick “The fucker probably deserved it,” muttered in his ear. Ian smiles tentatively at her, and she grabs his hand in hers and walks them down the hallway to English.

She’ll miss Mickey’s random bout of non-assholery while he’s inside, but she can’t bring herself to complain that she’s got Ian back to herself again. 

And Ian doesn’t even seem too torn up about the breakup, so she was worrying over nothing. 

**

“So you’re not his son, but you are his nephew? That’s fucked up.”

Ian shrugs and passes the joint back to her. “Yep. Lip wants to try and track down Frank’s brothers. We’re going to visit Grammy up in prison to get their addresses.”

“Prison?”

“Killed two people in a meth explosion. You two would probably get along.”

She swats at his arm and nearly falls off the swing for her effort. “Fuck off. So what, you gonna find your real daddy and get out of the South Side?” She hopes he can’t hear the fear in her voice.

“I don’t know. I don’t really want to do it, but Lip…”

“Fuck Lip. Thinks he knows what’s best for everyone. He’s an asshole.” 

“He’s my brother,” Ian says, a warning in his tone.

“Half-brother.”

“Yeah.” He looks so sad then, sitting on a half broken swing in the dimming sunlight. Suddenly all that shit about not being Frank’s son, _thank god,_ sounds so fake and stupid that she leans forward and kisses him hard, one hand wrapped around the rusty chain, balancing on her tip toes in the sand.

He blinks a couple times when she pulls back, a slow smile spreading across his face. “What was that for?” he asks, bemused.

“Nothing.” It’s the truth and it’s a lie, and Mandy can never really tell which is which around him anyway. “Just felt like it.”

Ian’s gone for the next few days, off searching for Daddy Warbucks or whatever, and Mandy tries to pretend she’s not lonely without him. Tries not to think about what will happen if Ian’s real father turns out to be a good guy, and tries to feel guilty for hoping he isn’t.

She’s so wrapped up in herself she almost doesn’t hear some freshman talking about those Gallagher boys finally getting arrested.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” she shouts as she bursts into his room. Ian blinks owlishly at her from the bed, the blanket still half-obscuring his face.

“Mandy?” he asks, pushing himself into a sitting position. Lip stands in the doorway behind her, his hair wet from the shower.

“You stole a fucking car? What the fuck, Ian?”

“I didn’t _steal_ it, I was just in it. And it’s fine, they’re not even pressing charges.” Ian grins at her guilelessly and she punches him as hard as she can in the arm before shoving past Lip to run out the door.

She’s not surprised that Ian follows her, now dressed and looking significantly more awake. He sits next to her on the curb and she wipes her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” he says like he doesn’t quite know what he’s apologizing for. She doesn’t answer, but leans her head on his shoulder and for the first time, hates him. Hates him for doing this to her, for making himself essential to her and then nearly disappearing from her life twice in a week.

A while later Lip comes out and barks at Ian that he needs to get to work. Ian squeezes her shoulder and drops his head down to kiss her chastely on the lips.

Lip watches her as Ian leaves, looking at her like he knows her better than she does herself. “Don’t fuck with him,” she warns because she loves Ian, but she’d bet her left tit that if there’s a scheme involved, he probably isn’t the brains behind it.

Lip nods, and she vows that one day she’s going to slap that smirk right off his face.

**

That Valentine’s Day Ian gives her a flower and a teddy bear on their way to school. It’s not a rose and the stuffing is sticking out of the seams a bit, but she shows them off anyway and all her girlfriends are jealous. Apart from never wanting to have sex, Ian really is the perfect boyfriend

And even that’s not such a problem, since Ian isn’t getting any on his own these days. He and Kash seem to be completely over, and if she shares a triumphant smile with Lip when Ian tells them that it’s only because he was a perv and Ian deserves better.

Spring sneaks up on them, and soon they’re abandoning the couch and video games to walk hand in hand in the park or smoke under the El. Some days Ian whispers secrets, things he hasn’t told anyone, even Lip. He tells her that Frank hates him most because he reminds him of Monica and Mandy thinks of dark nights and the scent of alcohol on her dad’s breath when she says she understands.

He talks about West Point, and getting out of here once and for all, and Mandy swallows down her fear when she makes him an appointment with the guidance counselor, condescending asshole that he is, to get more information. It’s worth it for the blinding smile he gives her when she shoves the slip of paper at him and she lets herself wonder if maybe he’d take her with him when he goes. 

It’s strange that for all getting out of the South Side is talked about, Ian is the first person she’s ever believed might do it. 

It’s not that he’s better off than any of them; Lip’s certainly got the smarts and his sister’s got that rich boyfriend when he’s around, but Ian’s the only one who wants it bad enough. He dreams bigger than they do, and sometimes when it’s too hot to move she lays her head on his stomach and lets him dream for her too.

Even with all of Mandy’s tutoring he still doesn’t know what a direct object pronoun is, but Ian can weave stories in a way she can only remember her mom doing, when she was young and tucked tightly into bed. He talks about seeing the world, about sand under his toes and wind in her hair and never being tied down or beholden to anybody and for a little while, she lets herself get swept away in it like she’s still six years old and being promised a lifetime of castles and handsome princes.

She doesn’t tell anyone, but the thing that scares her most isn’t Ian leaving anymore. No, now she’s scared he’ll stay, and that one day he’ll stop dreaming so big and come down to earth like the rest of them. Ian has taken her further than anyone else even when they’re just lying in the dirt and yellowing grass behind the football field, and she never wants anyone to take that away from him, or from her.

“Where do you want to go?” he asks one day as the sun dips behind the trees. 

A car backfires in the distance and she thinks of his wandering descriptions of Kabul, and of the pictures of Paris she’s seen in books, and of the trapped, claustrophobic look on her mother’s face in the only photo she’s got and says, “Everywhere.” 

Ian grins, a little wild, and says, “I’ll take you there.”

So yeah, maybe she’s as stupid as Mickey always said, because she can’t help but believe him.


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re _what?_ ” Mandy shrieks, nearly dropping her beer.

“You heard me, now give me the remote.” 

“Why the hell would you want to work at the place you got shot?” Mickey’s had some dumbass ideas in his life, torching his fourth grade teacher’s desk to cover up the fact that he didn’t hand in his homework, for one, but this has to take the cake.

“The fucker that did it is long gone.” Two weeks isn’t long gone in her book, but that’s hardly the most pressing issue. Mickey tugs the remote out of her hand and switches the channel to some extreme sports program.

“What the fuck are you going to do, stock shelves?”

“Security,” he grunts, and if Mandy didn’t know better she’d think he was blushing.

“Jesus. How the hell did you swing that?” Seven months pregnant and bedridden and Linda is still the scariest woman Mandy’s ever met.

“Your fairy boyfriend owed me a favor, that’s how. Now are you done with the fucking questions?”

Mandy’s blood runs cold and she says, her voice too loud in the room, “Ian’s not gay.”

Mickey snorts but doesn’t take his eyes off the TV. “He’s not,” she insists, a little desperate and a lot worried. “What the fuck did you do, blackmail him into this?”

“Jesus, I don’t give a shit, all right? As long as he’s not fucking you, why should I care.” With that he throws the remote back in her lap and storms off to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

Mandy stays put for a few moments, shocked, before jumping into action. 

She’s not really sure why she runs all the way to the Gallagher house since she knows her brother is sleeping off his hangover, but she’s panting and out of breath when she bursts into their kitchen nonetheless.

The house is quiet for once. Ian’s sitting at the counter, nose buried in a trig textbook like it’s been for weeks, and Lip’s poking around in the fridge. She casts a cursory glance to make sure no one else is around before blurting, “Mickey knows you’re gay.”

Lip turns around with an expression of mild interest but Ian doesn’t even react. With a huff she walks up behind him and slaps him over the head. “Did you hear me? Mickey knows about you.”

Ian blinks at her a couple times, and she wants to scream at him for being so thick. “Oh,” he says at last. “ _Oh_. Uh, yeah. He does.”

“What do you mean, ‘uh, yeah’? My crazy, violent, homophobic brother knows you’re queer, and you’re not even a bit worried about this? He could kill you.”

Ian looks at Lip desperately, and _finally_ he seems to be taking this seriously, but Lip just shrugs at him, the ever-present laughter still in his eyes. 

Ian takes a deep breath and says, “Yeah. He’s known for a while, I guess. He, uh, caught me and Kash one time.” 

Mandy blanches. “ _That’s_ why Kash shot him?”

“Huh? Yes! I mean, yeah.” 

“Oh,” Mandy says, and sits on the seat next to him as the adrenaline starts to fade. It makes sense; she always thought it was weird that Kash would shoot her brother over a Snickers bar.

Lip’s trying to smother a grin behind his beer bottle, so she guesses this is the first time he’s heard this too. Ian’s watching her nervously, which she doesn’t get until she realizes he’s probably worried she’ll blame him for Mickey getting shot. Idiot, it’s Mickey’s fault for sticking his filthy nose where it doesn’t belong.

“Is that why you got him the job? Because you don’t have to, I can talk to him.”

“No, no,” Ian says hastily. “It’s fine, really. He didn’t tell anyone why he got shot, so I owe him one. It won’t be that bad.”

“Hang on, Mickey’s working at the Kash and Grab?” Lip asks, nearly choking on his laughter, but Ian shoots him a glare that shuts him up quick.

“Anyway, since you’re here, want to sneak into a movie? If I look at one more geometry theorem I’m going to blow my brains out.”

It’s an obvious ploy to distract her—Ian’s never been much for subtlety—but he’s smiling that sweet, unguarded smile at her so she grabs his hand and pulls him out the door before he can invite Lip along.

She doesn’t pay much attention to the movie, even though Ian lets her choose. Her mind is too full trying to process the fact that Mickey is voluntarily working with someone he knows is gay and doesn’t seem to care that much. It’s all too weird for her to handle, so she’s grateful when Ian starts whispering commentary into her ear, making fun of the actor’s hair and the stupid dialogue, and takes her mind off it like he always does.

**

The start of that summer is probably the closest thing her life has ever gotten to good, so of course it all goes to shit.

Ian’s always studying or working or fucking this new guy who he won’t tell her about, and she’s not jealous or anything, but she’s barely had sex since they started fake dating. And Lip, well Lip is always around, obsessing about his bitch of an ex, and when he’s not he looks at her in the way she wishes Ian would.

She fucks Lip for the first time at Debbie’s slumber party because they’re horny and bored. Ian’s right downstairs, and when she tells Lip to be quiet so he won’t hear them she knows she’s lying, and she thinks Lip knows it too. 

A part of her wants Ian to catch them, just to see what would happen. 

**

Mandy leans against a tree blowing smoke into the summer air while Ian runs laps around the field. He’s been going for almost an hour now and the light is starting to fade. She waits though, because he showed up at her house that afternoon, agitated and upset and hasn’t said a word since. He needs her there, even if he won’t look at her, and so she keeps waiting and smoking and watching him run until he finally collapses on the grass next to her.

“That general,” he says once she’s lit a cigarette for him and he’s taken a deep drag. “Came by the house to drop off an application. For Lip. Says they need smart people like him.”

Mandy clenches her fists in the grass but holds her tongue. Ian goes quiet again for a while, letting his head drop back into the dirt and staring blankly at the night sky.

“Y'know, the whole reason I started ROTC in the first place was because Lip never did it. I just wanted one place, _one place_ where I wouldn’t be Lip's dumb kid brother.” 

“You’re not dumb,” she says. Ian scoffs. He’s not, though. He can make her smile when all she wants to do is scream and rage and hurt someone, can make Mickey bark out a laugh like he’s a kid again, can make Lip soft and human. Mandy doesn’t know much, but she knows you’ve gotta be some kind of smart to make that many people love you; god knows she never could.

“Too dumb to get into West Point,” he says dejectedly, and she cringes because he’s never allowed to sound like that.

“Bullshit,” she says, grabbing his chin to force him to look at her. “Your GPA isn’t that bad, it’s only math you’ve got real trouble with, right?” 

“Trig, yeah.”

“Well then I’ll help you,” she says confidently.

“Mandy,” he says, a trace of a smile on his lips, “you’re as bad at trig as I am.” It’s true, but she elbows him in the gut anyway.

“If that fat dumbass of a teacher can figure it out, so can we.” 

Ian still looks troubled and he doesn’t meet her eyes when he mutters, “Lip says I can’t do anything by myself.”

He sounds wounded and sad, and Mandy wants to beat the shit out of somebody. She should have known this wasn’t about some general, not really. Lip is the only one who has the power to hurt Ian like this, and she envies and hates him for it in equal measure.

“Well who the fuck would want to?” she asks harshly. “Sounds dull as hell.”

Ian startles out a laugh and looks at her in that way that makes her heart soar. “You’re incredible, you know that,” he says softly, and before she can track the look in his eyes from fondness to mischief he lunges at her, tickling her under the arms until she’s tackled into the damp grass. 

Her arms are pinned to her side and he’s straddling her, the moonlight framing his pale face caught mid-laugh. For a second she thinks he might kiss her, but the moment is so perfect that she doesn’t want him to, doesn’t want to be brought down to earth where this will never be as real as she wants. 

Instead, she knees him in the groin and scrambles to her feet. The grass is soft and dewy under her toes and she giggles as she runs, waiting for him to catch her like he always does.

**

When they first started dating, Mandy wondered what it would be like to have Ian just for herself, with no one standing in between.

At this point she figures she’s never going to find out.

Lip and Ian aren’t talking anymore and it’s a weird feeling. When she fucked Lip, she thought this might happen, expected, even hoped for it. To drive a wedge between the brothers, not because she’s a bitch, but just because it’d prove that Ian cared enough about her to get jealous.

But even though they’re spending more time together alone, Ian’s still got his fuck-buddy on the side and she’s still stuck knowing that she’ll never be enough.

Or at least, that’s how she explains why she keeps letting Lip fuck her. Really though, it’s because Lip’s good in the sack and he’s close enough to what she wants that she can make do.

Lip isn’t nice like Ian is, or rather, not to her. To Karen Fucking Jackson he’s probably a prince, but Mandy’s just his distraction from the main event. Then again, Ian is only _really_ nice to her, not just random girls off the street, and she doesn’t know what that means. 

Lip’s smart and sarcastic and a bit of an asshole when he wants to be and they’ve really only got the one thing in common, but god knows she’s fucked guys longer for less.

Summer is winding down when it happens.

It’s the first time in almost a year, and for some reason that makes it worse.

Mandy closes her eyes and in the morning she gets up like always and goes over to the Gallagher house, where everything is noisy and chaotic and nothing like the coffin she lives in. Ian grins at her from where he and Lip are watching TV—they must have finally gotten over themselves—and gestures her over. And if she gets a bit too close, takes a little too much comfort in his strong arms, well, no one says anything about it.

And in Mandy’s book, if you don’t talk about something, it never happened.

(Except, of course, when the stick turns pink)

“Eight hundred and seventeen,” Ian says, throwing the last bill down on the counter and grinning up at her. “Those snickerdoodles were a hit.”

“My mom’s recipe. The only good thing that bitch ever did.” 

“What are you gonna do with the winnings? That’s, like, two hundred extra.” 

“And they say you’re flunking math,” she says, and he elbows her in the arm. They’ve been alone since Kev left over an hour ago, putting them in charge of cleaning up the mess in exchange for letting them use the bar for free. If it weren't for the sinking sensation in her stomach every time she remembers why they're here, it would be a perfect night. Ian's been off for the past few weeks: quiet and stoic, the brave little soldier until the end. She figured it had something to do with that guy he was seeing, but he won't say either way. Mandy hates secrets, but then she thinks of Lip and reluctantly surrenders her moral high ground. “Whatever, you keep it. Put it in that rat fund of yours.”

“Squirrel fund,” he corrects automatically. “Don’t be stupid, it’s your money. You should use it for, I don’t know, shoes or some shit.”

“Do I look like a fucking valley girl to you?” 

“Yes,” he deadpans and ducks the rag she throws at his head. “You want me to come tomorrow?”

“Fuck off,” she says and turns away. “Hardly my first time.”

They don’t talk about it again, but the next morning Ian’s sitting on her porch, half-asleep with his head in his hands and she can’t help but smile. “Hey,” he says groggily when she slams the door shut behind her. He takes her offered hand and lets her pull him to his feet. 

(He doesn't let go.)

Lip actually is nice to her for a while after that, treats her like she’s fragile, and she hates it so much she wants to scream. She thinks about the disgust on his face when he found out, about how he offered to ‘take care’ of her dad if that’s what she wanted, awkward and unsure, and about Ian and his easy smile and the way he still steals the last pizza bagel when they’re playing video games and she makes herself stop thinking altogether.

These fucking Gallagher brothers will be the death of her, she’s sure.

**

“Happy Thanksgiving, assface,” she says when she opens the door. 

“Did I wake you up?” Ian asks, uncharacteristically nervous, his fingers twitching at the seams of his jeans. She wonders if he’s on something.

“It’s three in the fucking morning, what do you think?” He didn’t, actually. She was waiting for Lip to show up; they’d planned to have burgers and beer that night since her dad was out of town and he was still in his self-imposed exile from the Gallagher house. 

“Karen had the kid.”

Mandy drops her arm from the doorway and takes a step onto the porch. “What, seriously?”

“Yeah. It’s Asian.”

“That slut. Is Lip all right?” She’s hated Karen Jackson since seventh grade, when she laughed in Mickey’s face when he asked her to the movies. And now she’d gone and fucked with Lip’s head too.

“Yeah. No. I don’t know.” For a second she panics; wonders if Ian found out about them, and that’s why he came here. But he doesn’t look angry, just freaked and a little red-rimmed around the eyes.

“You want a beer?” 

They drink on the porch in silence, their knees brushing softly. Mandy thinks about where Lip might be, and if he’s doing something stupid. Hell, knowing him he’ll probably still be willing to marry the bitch and raise someone else’s kid. For all that he’s a genius, when it comes to that chick he’s a real dumbass.

“My mom slit her wrists,” Ian says after a while and Mandy chokes on her drink.

“What, tonight?”

“Yeah.” He’s picking at a ripped seam in his jeans and the way he’s avoiding her eye is an almost tangible thing in the air. 

“Shit.” There’s not much to say after that. 

“Yeah.”

She gets up after another long silence and heads inside. Ian follows her to Mickey’s room, where she rummages through the drawers and he hangs awkwardly in the doorway. 

“How’s your brother doing?” he asks.

“Fine. Got eight to ten months. Fucker punched a cop. Got it.” She brandishes Mickey’s stash. “You need to get trashed tonight.”

Ian stares at her, a bit awed, like he can’t quite believe she’s real and her heart soars at the sight. “You’re the best fake girlfriend ever.”

“Don’t ever forget it.”

**

When he finally does find out, it’s not the epic blowout she'd expected. Anticlimactic is the word, really.

Her dad’s out of town for the weekend and she invites Lip over to celebrate the end of the semester that he flunked because he missed too many days. It’s a pretty lame celebration.

She didn’t lock the door because no one is stupid enough to break into the Milkovich house. Or rather, only two people are, and she never minds when they do. 

“Hey, Mands—oh.” Ian freezes and stares at them for a second too long, his face as wide open as it ever is, then shuts the door, the lock clicking softly into place. 

Mandy panics and looks up at Lip, but he’s still staring at the door. “Fuck,” he mutters, then repeats it again, louder. 

He’s off of her and pulling his pants on faster than she could’ve imagined, leaving her with her knees up on the couch half-undressed and in shock. 

“Wait here,” he orders sharply when she starts to move, and she has half a mind to hit him but he’s already out the door. 

Lip may have had the head start, but Mandy finds Ian first. 

He’s on the swings in the playground they adopted as theirs, kicking the dirt aimlessly. When she sits on the swing next to him, he tenses.

For the life of her, she can’t remember why she wanted Ian to find out so badly, why she was so desperate to see him jealous over her. Because the look on his face when he stood in the doorway was just about the worst thing she’s ever seen in her life, and _she_ did that. 

She can see it happening: she’ll be phased out as that bitch who almost came between the infamous Gallagher brothers, and with one stupid decision she’ll have ruined the only two good things in her life. 

She opens her mouth but has no clue what to say. Part of her wishes she’d let Lip handle this, he always knows how to talk to Ian. It hurts, but she knows when it comes down to it, Ian will always choose his brother over anyone else, even her. Especially her, now that this has happened: bros before hos, and all that shit.

Before she can force herself to say something, Ian nudges her hand with his and offers his joint. He doesn’t take his eyes off the ground, but his lips quirk up when she takes it gently from his fingers.

“I think I’m fucking Jimmy’s dad,” he says, and it sounds like a peace offering.

“Oh,” she says, taking a deep drag. Then, “What?” 

He looks at her then with that goofy smile of his, and it’s so fucking absurd that she laughs until her cheeks ache and her ass slips out of the swing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any and all feedback makes me extremely happy :)

**Author's Note:**

> Title lifted from the Shins song New Slang. I'd love feedback of any kind if you have the time :)


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